In the summer of 1999, in the city of Rawalpindi in Pakistan, I was brought to Valley Clinic, a hospital on Peshawar Road in Rawalpindi opposite to West-ridge I, with a severe head injury. I had lost a lot of blood, but was not giving up.
I was a fighter and could defeat almost anything. I was strong, determined and sure. I had so much confidence in myself. It was almost half past two in the night. There were no doctors at sight. I saw the body of a young boy brought to the hospital on a stretcher, lying to my left. He was dead. He had suffered severe injuries.
I was shouting, calling out for doctors. A few attendants and a doctor came and took me in a lift to an Operation Theater upstairs. There was blood all over me. My shoes were soaking wet with blood and so was my red beautiful dress that I used to wear most of the time. I loved it very much. It had beautiful collars and was made of a cloth similar to "Ajrak". On the operation bed, the doctor cut off my hair from around the injured skull, to the right side where the short term memory lies.
I used to have short hair, a cadet hair cut. I was a tomboy. I thought of myself to be a super girl. A girl who does not play with dolls, but her favorite sport is rifle shooting; yes rifle shooting was my favorite sport and so was table tennis.
I had lost alot of blood. I tried to speak to the nurse there but she was too busy assisting the doctor in trying to fix my broken skull. I wanted to drink water but they did not give me any water. I was not given any liquid to drink. They tried their best to make sure I stayed with them. Just then, voices started fading away gradually, and so did images. After some time I could not hear anything but I could still see blurred images of the ones standing there. Then even the visual started fading away.
I had a feeling I was going to go away somewhere and that too, all alone. I was very much scared. I had heard from somewhere that if you recite "La Ilaha Illa Anta Subhanaka Inni Kuntu Mina'zualimeen" forty times before you die, you will go to heaven. So I started reciting it and wished my link with this world would not end before I have recited it the number of times that would take me to heaven. I could not recite the whole of it for more than around three or four times. I would start and then forget and would begin all over again. Hell and Heaven were the words I had heard during my short life and all those stories about them. I started counting hastily the number of times with my fingers in my mind, and gradually my body stopped responding. I could not communicate with my hand anymore. Nor could I see or hear anything or anyone anymore. My entire life flashed before my eyes in nano seconds, as if I was saying goodbye to it all (unwillingly). The visuals flashed like a slide show and I had no control over them. I had some regrets too. Then, the slide show was over.
I begged God to accompany me, because I had never been anywhere alone, and this was the first time I was leaving alone to a place I did not know and nobody could come along with me. I had no choice but to just go wherever I was taken.
I found myself as if on an endless ground, like the earth's surface all before me. I was moving toward a boundry line as if it was day on the other side and I was, where it was night. There was such a bright luminous light on the other side of the endless ground, which had lit it up as if it were even better than daylight. It was not yellowish like the sunlight, but was cool bright white. I started at the dark side, and after a while I was not scared much because I could feel that God was with me and he was not going to let me go there alone.
Knowing that "Someone" was by my side and I was not alone, and realizing the fact that the current state of affairs was inevitable, I began to get used to the whole idea of this sudden unexpected journey and thus I felt safe. I walked toward the boundry line, because that was where I was supposed to go. I had accepted the fact that I could not go back nomatter how much I wanted to, so I kept moving slowly, getting used to it all.
I always had a tendency to stare at bright light and there it was, the brightest coolest light, right before me and so I kept staring into it. I did not understand it, none of it, but then again, I was probably not to understand it in the first place. I always thought of life to be like a computer game, being a computer person since childhood. I thought one level in my life was over and now I was entering into another level probably through a warp zone. After I got a little closer to the boundry dividing the dark from the light, I woke up. Just when I started getting used to it all, and started accepting the unexpected call, I was sent back.
I found my parents crying and almost turned yellow. Though later they told me I turned blue. I will never forget that endless earth surface, half in the dark and half in bright light. I will always remember that cool bright light. I had seventeen stitches on the right side of my head. I have a scar and a dent in my skull, which will keep reminding me of that night.
I can tell that death is not always painful. :-)
I was a fighter and could defeat almost anything. I was strong, determined and sure. I had so much confidence in myself. It was almost half past two in the night. There were no doctors at sight. I saw the body of a young boy brought to the hospital on a stretcher, lying to my left. He was dead. He had suffered severe injuries.
I was shouting, calling out for doctors. A few attendants and a doctor came and took me in a lift to an Operation Theater upstairs. There was blood all over me. My shoes were soaking wet with blood and so was my red beautiful dress that I used to wear most of the time. I loved it very much. It had beautiful collars and was made of a cloth similar to "Ajrak". On the operation bed, the doctor cut off my hair from around the injured skull, to the right side where the short term memory lies.
I used to have short hair, a cadet hair cut. I was a tomboy. I thought of myself to be a super girl. A girl who does not play with dolls, but her favorite sport is rifle shooting; yes rifle shooting was my favorite sport and so was table tennis.
I had lost alot of blood. I tried to speak to the nurse there but she was too busy assisting the doctor in trying to fix my broken skull. I wanted to drink water but they did not give me any water. I was not given any liquid to drink. They tried their best to make sure I stayed with them. Just then, voices started fading away gradually, and so did images. After some time I could not hear anything but I could still see blurred images of the ones standing there. Then even the visual started fading away.
I had a feeling I was going to go away somewhere and that too, all alone. I was very much scared. I had heard from somewhere that if you recite "La Ilaha Illa Anta Subhanaka Inni Kuntu Mina'zualimeen" forty times before you die, you will go to heaven. So I started reciting it and wished my link with this world would not end before I have recited it the number of times that would take me to heaven. I could not recite the whole of it for more than around three or four times. I would start and then forget and would begin all over again. Hell and Heaven were the words I had heard during my short life and all those stories about them. I started counting hastily the number of times with my fingers in my mind, and gradually my body stopped responding. I could not communicate with my hand anymore. Nor could I see or hear anything or anyone anymore. My entire life flashed before my eyes in nano seconds, as if I was saying goodbye to it all (unwillingly). The visuals flashed like a slide show and I had no control over them. I had some regrets too. Then, the slide show was over.
I begged God to accompany me, because I had never been anywhere alone, and this was the first time I was leaving alone to a place I did not know and nobody could come along with me. I had no choice but to just go wherever I was taken.
I found myself as if on an endless ground, like the earth's surface all before me. I was moving toward a boundry line as if it was day on the other side and I was, where it was night. There was such a bright luminous light on the other side of the endless ground, which had lit it up as if it were even better than daylight. It was not yellowish like the sunlight, but was cool bright white. I started at the dark side, and after a while I was not scared much because I could feel that God was with me and he was not going to let me go there alone.
Knowing that "Someone" was by my side and I was not alone, and realizing the fact that the current state of affairs was inevitable, I began to get used to the whole idea of this sudden unexpected journey and thus I felt safe. I walked toward the boundry line, because that was where I was supposed to go. I had accepted the fact that I could not go back nomatter how much I wanted to, so I kept moving slowly, getting used to it all.
I always had a tendency to stare at bright light and there it was, the brightest coolest light, right before me and so I kept staring into it. I did not understand it, none of it, but then again, I was probably not to understand it in the first place. I always thought of life to be like a computer game, being a computer person since childhood. I thought one level in my life was over and now I was entering into another level probably through a warp zone. After I got a little closer to the boundry dividing the dark from the light, I woke up. Just when I started getting used to it all, and started accepting the unexpected call, I was sent back.
I found my parents crying and almost turned yellow. Though later they told me I turned blue. I will never forget that endless earth surface, half in the dark and half in bright light. I will always remember that cool bright light. I had seventeen stitches on the right side of my head. I have a scar and a dent in my skull, which will keep reminding me of that night.
I can tell that death is not always painful. :-)
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